Ending the Search for a Better Me


Who are you this instant? Who are you before thought steps in and does what it is addicted in doing? Who you are is exactly what you are prior to any label constructed by thought. We’ve read this so many times in “spiritual” books and web sites. Is there a better way to understand what this means?
Nearly all of us who are engaged in the “spiritual journey” consistently posit a “better me” that will evolve over time. When we believe that thought or any thought related to it, we are, perforce, obliged to resist our current Life Force in the now of existence. We are are ceaseless moving away from who we truly are.
As long as we give life to the concept of a “better me”, we can never live from our source.
Can you see this in your own life?
Try to observe how we often muse about that better, more evolved me that will emerge through meditation or following the “how” instructions in a spiritual book or what we have heard at a retreat or gathering.
Even our own minds will tell us how unevolved and unenlightened we really are – as we are. Our mind pushes us away from our authentic being by its ceaseless projection of a better me. And we wonder why we are so often dissatisfied with who we are. This belief sustains our suffering.

Here is where this pointer gets subtle.
There is the authentic you are right now and there is the resistant self you are right now. This resistant self is engaged on some level with working toward a better you. They are very different beings. Can you see and, more importantly, feel the difference?
Who are you when you are entirely free of wanting to be anyone different from how you are exactly at this instant? That is the key question.
When we explore the core question, “who am I”, we discover that we can never find a me that can be grasped, yet you and I are right here right now. How can we make sense of this?
Like everything else in the universe, it is, ultimately, paradoxical. We can never ever grasp a me that can be expressed through words, thought or collection of thoughts, yet there is a you and I here right now. Of that we can be absolutely certain.
The question I am raising here focuses on the difference between living from the perspective of psychological projection, expressed as always striving for a different and more refined, more spiritual me and the me that is here prior to any and all wanting and striving. That absolutely solid, yet ungraspable me is always there and that is our authentic self.
It’s not all that difficult to get a sense of that authentic self – that Life Force. Possibly the best way to do that is to get a tangible feel for the striving, restless, dissatisfied me. Any thought that possesses the quality of wanting a me that is, in essence, different from the being that is right here right now, sustains our eternal suffering. Behind that energy is the me that is always at rest, content and free of needing anything from the external universe.
That is your true self.

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