We are all addicts. We are addicted to who we believe ourselves to be.
Find your believed self. This shouldn’t be too hard to do. As I’ve mentioned, I’m a problem solver. The field of “me”, for our believed self is a thinking and feeling field, scans its world for problems to address. This scanning me seeks to meet all of the needs of my ego. As a problem solver, I can show to myself and others how smart I am, how much smarter I am compared with others. It fills the vacuum the pervades my inner believed being – the part we cannot see or feel.
Thus this ever-scanning self is the visible part of the unseen vacuum that lies in its core. This vacuum is what fuels the ego.
Because “I”, the energy that is the believed “me” scans for problems, guess what it finds? The universe provides us with what we desire and thus “my” life is filled with problems. And then, the overwhelmed “me” persistently groans, “why ME?”
Say, you’re a “disaster averter” – you will worry about what dangers are lurking to mess up your “controlled world.” As the “disaster averter” you will find dangers to avert everywhere, for the universe loves you and is generous to your wants. You will be the person cleaning up the messes left by everyone around you. And then, at the end of the day, you’ll wonder why you’re always exhausted and just plain worn out. For the universe has been generous with you and have given you, free of charge, disasters – and it will keep on giving.
This is the habitual self. See it for yourself. You will find it, if you have the guts. An addict needs courage to face the truth.
This ego you is the part of you that promises excitement, challenge, life, – it’s a turn on – it’s an addiction that has been a part of you since time immemorial. It is the person you believe yourself to be.
Are you this person? Are you certain that this person is you?
But the secret is, it’s not you. It’s just the deficient you pretending to be a person. Rather it is a belief that conjures up an avalanche of thoughts and feelings. You can watch the whole show. More importantly, you can see just how deeply addicted you are to its power – for it is power. It is your ruler and your poor self, the one that says, “why me”, the one that says, “I am so completely overwhelmed”, that person is its slave.
Everything that you think is you is not you. But the needs that you think “you” are will be delivered by the universe for the “you” you think you are. It’s the one irony, once seen, that has the power to wake us up.
Get to know it – for your liberation is there.
Watch it but refuse to indulge the addiction. Starting NOW – don’t feed it any more energy or attention. Break the chains – now and forever.
Don’t worry about stopping the energy – that’s just the same old ego operating in its guise as savior – it’s a fake. The energy can’t be stopped, BUT you can stop following it. You can cease being a slave.
After awhile, as you watch your addiction begin to fade – The light that is you will explode to the surface and in that light you will discover who you really are and be free – free at last.
(next time (and it should be very soon) that a you says you need to do something, anything psychological, just don’t indulge it. Full stop. All you need to do is see it. Warning: it’s usually VERY subtle, but it can always be seen.
One more warning: a quiet self is not an awakened self. It will always be that which is aware of a quiet self.