What is it I lack? That is the question you need to ask yourself. You need to find out if you really lack anything.
What is it you want? What do you want right now? What do you need now? What do you need in the larger perspective of your life? What do you want to be? What do you need to be? What do you need to achieve? What do you lack in your life? What is love? What is life? What???
Each what is a psychological traffic light. When it happens you believe you will be happy. If it doesn’t happen you believe you will fail to be happy. In fact, depending upon the want, you might think of yourself as a failure in general. Is that true for you?
So each want is a traffic light that either happens or it doesn’t. What are YOUR traffic lights?
Each what points to WHAT you Lack. This word – LACK – is the keystone of depression and anxiety. We start from the identification with Lack and pin our hopes to fill that vast chasm with achievements, with love, with connection, with stuff, with time, with attention, with experience, with ______ (fill in the blank).
WHAT does this tells us? Let’s be perfectly clear about this. Does it not tell us that we are starting off from a position of lack, of need, of absence, of deficiency, of inadequacy, of unlovability, and of worthlessness (each depending on the particular what).
If we were content in life, we wouldn’t be consumed by this collection of ceaseless WHATS.
I need to be a successful writer, I need to be in love, I need to be cared for, I need to love another, I need respect, I need to be trusted, I need life to be fair, I need to be enlightened and on and on it goes.
Let’s look at these needs a little deeper. Each I is deficient. As long as it lacks what it believes it needs to be happy, it is stuck with its feeling sense of inadequacy. Isn’t this the driving force of your life? It can’t be content. This “I” is the very unhappiness we dread! We are exactly the person we don’t want to be. Because we always start the hunt from some WHAT, we are condemned to a life of ceaseless seeking. Yikes! Could this be true. Remember, the truth will set you free.
This sad I is a hunter. This sad I hunts in the world for what it lacks. This sad I always returns to itself-its sad self. It goes to the bookstore looking for direction, it goes to bars looking for solace, it goes and it goes. As we start in life, so will we end. Since we are always starting from a position of lack, we start in deficiency and end in deficiency.
Is this what you want?
We cling to this I with all our might – it’s all we got. Together let’s get really sad about this “I”. Feel the sadness in the middle of your chest and in your stomach. Take full measure of its pain and its many, many hopes.
This is the WHAT of depression and anxiety. It is the cluster of needs we project we must possess to be happy – fulfilled.
I’m going to end this post before moving into the WHY section, which will arrive tomorrow. Unless we know WHY we need, we will never be able to get past this special station in life.
But before leaving you today, I ask you to do one more thing. Get a tangible sense of this “I” with all of its needs. Get a sense of it as a hunter of things – of love – of trust – of respect – of fairness. See it move through the world walking – running on thin ice, for it must always be on the move. If it is just with itself that ice might break and we will fall into the abyss of our own desolation. How will it ever find what it needs. Get a sense of this person. Feel it in every fiber of your body and mind. See it. See it as a child growing into adulthood. See the full trajectory of need in your life. Where did it start? Where did the hunt begin? Where is it headed? That is a key question. Where are you going with this hunter of feelings?