If Awakening has an enemy (and it doesn’t), it is the energy of contraction. What we are is this moment full and allowing without limit. But then we notice another energy, one that is effortlessly linked to the separate “I/me”, it is likely to be the energy of attention (not awareness, which is holds attention).
Things call to us. They demand our attention. This is natural to life. But I’ve noticed that the energy of attention links back to the idea of a separate “I/me”. I am reading this blog, I am focusing on this report, I need to attend to my partner’s needs, etc.
So the question becomes, why is this so? The conditioned self is a direct function of our individual and unique socialization. This process is as real as anything else in our universe. But our pain and suffering, that which is psychologically rooted, is a direct consequence of our family’s and culture’s projection of inadequacy and insufficiency onto us, which we began to absorb even before we could verbalize the experience.
Once we agree with this projection, it becomes who we believe ourselves to be. So begins the life of endless seeking.
For this reason we become hard workers. We try to figure all of this out. We seek pleasant mind states to avoid the pain, We work to become better. It’s important to be heard, to be respected, to prevail in life. We work and work and work. So much of the attention energy circulates around this identification with inadequacy.
Like EVERYTHING else in the universe, every quality is dialectical (it comes in two flavors). There is attention rooted in open love and there is attention rooted in our struggle with inadequacy/insufficiency. All of this can be seen as the interplay of light and dark in our lives.
Rather than work, yet again, on this “problem”, is it possible to just see and experience this without seeking any mind state from the process – without seeking any outcome – without wanting any understanding? Just letting it be as it needs to be?
This calls on us to just relax in this moment, then watch that same inadequacy contraction arising, then we might ask ourselves, what is the beauty of this moment? What if I just love this fragile inadequacy? … What if, I cease being the harsh parent? … What if I see the lost child in this experience? … What if I just reach out and touch this feeling?