A Master of the Universe Writes a Personal Letter to a Dear Friend


It has been a long time since we’ve had a real heart-to-heart talk, so I wanted to finally break the silence. We must know where we stand and what we still have to gain in these sadly troubled times.

First, let’s take a couple of steps back and review what we have accomplished in the last 30 years, for we have so much to take pride in. Thanks to Reagan we were able to break-away from the mold. The days of the traditional banker in his conservative suit and his erstwhile savings and loan business became a quaint relic. The fetters that kept the beautiful potential of opportunity backed by guts and strategy were removed and we crafted a plan that no one had been able to even imagine. We transformed the community lender and became the community owner.

Unlike our friends in the industrial world, we understood the anchor that factories and labor could be. We quickly came to realize that the way to make money was through money. And even to our friends in the service worlds of insurance and law, we had the foresight that we could also own them to increase our wealth and power. Nothing could stop us, because we started making mountains of money. People may find beauty and grandeur in the Rockies, but they find so much more in the unseen edifices of endless wealth that we worked very hard to cobble together.

And as time passed our capacity to invent and create grew exponentially. As you and I know, there are few people in this age that vainly characterizes itself as the age of information, have the vaguest clue of what we do. And this is an incredible realization because what we do is so huge and vast in scope, yet it is unseen and eludes the prying eyes of losers and do-gooders everywhere.

We have had to sacrifice to make our triumph real. Owning government was the easy part. Senators, Congressmen, and even Presidents are all but free. They come to us with their plaintive begging bowls. They want to be owned and that is all part of what makes our venture together so excellent and terrific. Like the pathetic politicians, the media came begging to us as well, pleading for their crumbs and who are we to disappoint them? And those that didn’t want to play, well those we either bought outright or, much better, made them to appear like ranting fools through our countless think tanks, whoring universities, foundations, and banal TV. Looking back on it, it really hasn’t been all that difficult.

But as you and I know the hard part is to sustain success. But it gets so much easier when you have the best and the brightest by their little balls. They come running out of places like Harvard and Yale joining the flocks of beggars at our doorstep. Who says that a college education is a waste? We’ve profited handsomely on the rapaciousness of these ever-so-eager young well-groomed men and curvy ladies who come to our posh offices in glorious Manhattan willing to do anything for a nickel and I mean anything. What goes for rape in the outside goes for career advancement where I spend my mornings. these ambitious men and women come to us with their magnificent ambition and as long as we keep em’ scared, then we know we’re in the game.

Between you and me, we know that what keeps all of this together is fear. We’ve needed to keep the rubes at the begging trays through fear – and really any fear will do. But anything that allows for war and war preparation without end is just good for business. Hallelujah for war! I can hear it loud and clear from the church pews from South Side Chicago to the golden fields of Kansas. God bless the Masters of the Universe. We pledge our lives to you for you are our God, even if there are jews among you (hey nothing’s perfect). Of course they pledge their lives to war, but (wink wink) you and I know who their true master is. Oh it really is fun to be a puppeteer. Who could imagine that you can rake in trillions and remain in a 15% tax bracket? Even I have a hard time believing it. I can’t help thinking what ignorant rubes Americans truly are, but them I’m reminded just how truly giving they have been to us. Christ, they empty their pockets, and lose their jobs and homes just so I can piss in their backyard. Is this a great country or what? They give us their flesh and their blood and we are always free to ask for more. Oh my.

But you know the good times … well, they might be ending for us, at least for now. Of course, we might have over-reached just a wee bit. We might have pulled one string too many, but who gives a shit? There is still time to suck another couple three trillion out of the rubes. The democrats have served their purpose. They sustained the illusion that meaningful dialogue occurs in Washington. They’ve kept the game going and they really deserve a lot of the credit. Our boy had a tough game to play. He had to run on a “change” platform and then do exactly what his predecessors were doing while maintaining the illusion that he was a liberal. You gotta give those guys at Fox a lot of credit. By painting him as a socialist we made the BIG bucks in every conceivable direction. They give us more money than anyone could possibly imagine in their little brains and then we turn it around and lend it back to them at a higher interest rate. They all suck at our green teats and who could be happier? They make us do it for chrissake.

As the country descends into even more massive debt (their loss our gain, of course) the feeding trough just aint’ what it used to be. Our boys on the other side of the aisle we’ll get in and and follow our marching orders all yield all the rest to us. There’s still plenty of dough in those middle class pockets. It will be ours and it will be ours soon. We will suck these coffers dry. And will still be heroes in their oh so wonderfully naive eyes. In their own cold hearts they really dream of being us – but they never will be.

Then we gotta let the chips fall where they may. It’s going to be hunker down time. Those that got fat on our dime we’ll scream and cry. We’ll have to watch some of our most treasured creations go the way of the Edsel, but I got a hunch that we’ll do just fine. It’s a whole lot easier to win at poker when you’re holding all the chips. We’ll let them scream and cry. We’ll throw them a crumb here and there and then we’ll just wait it out. I’ll give you hundred to one odds that they will come crawling back to us on their filthy bellies with their empty begging bowls. But this time, we won’t be so giving – so kind. This time we’ll really make them grovel. And then we might kick in a few well chosen teeth, because soon it’s going to hard ball time and we gotta to be ready for that. We gotta be ready to do what needs doing.

And that’s why I’m writing you to you my very good friend. We might have gotten a little lazy ourselves. Sometimes the money just pours in a little too easily and if we don’t watch out some son of a bitch we’ll knock us off our thrones. We can’t let that happen. I don’t think we’ll even need to play the fear card. They’ll do that for us. And that’s half the battle. But we gotta to get a little more lean and mean. We might have to squash a few heads and rip off some balls – but just as  a last resort.

We don’t have to worry about the politicos. They’re DEEP in our hip pockets. They’ll build the prisons and arm the guards. They’ll come begging to us for a loan to pay for their bullets and mortar and we’ll charge them a hefty interest. We’ll keep on making the big bucks. But they will need us more than ever for we make them possible.

I hope, my friend, that you’re up to the task. If not, then just shit and get out of the kitchen. Storms don’t last forever and I suspect that the sun will shine even brighter on the other side of this one, even if we have to do a little street mopping. It’s all in a day’s work. So when the goin’ gets rough, just hang in there my friend. Hang loose and stay tough. The future is ours’.

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