In yesterday’s post I dealt with some of the larger ‘theoretical’ issues posed by the experience of depression. I placed these issues within the rigorous context of my book, Liberation from the Lie and thus sought to draw the “big picture” of depression; that it is the effect of an intensely powerful, but directly unseen Wound – that this Wound originated with our abrupt separation from our life givers (parents) in the very first days of our life.
In today’s post I want to focus not on its origins, but on the effect of the Wound in our immediate experience. If we can spot it in our moment-to-moment life, we will be empowered to bring healing attention, as well as understanding, to this vast pool of pain and fear that lies at the core of our temporal being (personality – self construct).
I once wrote about how two scientists working for Bell Labs back in the 1960s first stumbled upon the background hiss/static of the Big Bang, the cataclysmic event that gave birth to the known universe. They were listening to radiant energy received by a large radio telescope and noticed a very subtle background ‘noise’ that seemed to emanate from everywhere in the universe. At first they could not explain what this noise was, but over time they were able to link this static to the very residue of the massive explosion from which everything in our universe owes its origin.
The Wound is the Big Bang of our personality. It too presents an extremely subtle background ‘noise’ to our immediate experience. I was not able to even detect this noise at first because I didn’t have a theoretical construct on which I could explain its existence. But the Theory of the Wound and its compensating Fear-Selves provided me with a vehicle for which I could not only “hear” this residue, but also to explain its existence. It was like hearing the voice of God – the Theory of Liberation powerfully explained even the most subtle aspects of our moment-to-moment existence.
One of the reasons so many of us experience these dark prolonged periods in our lives is because we are completely unaware of the initial signs that suggest the possible onset of a Fear-Self personality collapse. Now let me say something that will surprise you. Such collapses, as awful as they sometimes are, can offer us opportunities for very profound self-realization, and thus to label them as “bad” or as “problems that need to be solved” is really off the mark. That is an error. But like any other serious malady, when they become very intense, they call for medical intervention. The really good news is that the content of this post will present us with an approach to harnessing the power of inner-upsetness-chaos we can do at any time. We don’t have to wait for a full Fear-Self breakdown (please see the book for this vital issue which will, one day, confront each one of us).
Just like the scientists at Bell Labs, you will need to attune your ‘inner radar’ to the physical sense of your self. Do that now. Probe for the most subtle energies that exist beneath the levels of thought and emotional feeling. And very much like these scientists, you should ‘pick-up’ a kind of nearly silent inner static – a kind of very subtle nervous energy. You may have to listen for some time, but once you get the hang of this, you should be able to get a feel for it at any time.
As you sense this nervous-like energy that is like a nearly silent static deep within your body, understand that what you’re feeling is the very emanations of your own primal Wound. You are, literally, hearing the origins of your personality as they were forged in your own separation trauma. This is the subtle vibration of the Wound in your immediate life.
Just watch the energy. Here is a key feeling that I discovered about my own inner vibration. When I began to feel stress in my immediate life, I noticed that this deep Wound energy would link up with the stress/anxiety … that it would kind of nurture it. As I followed this pathway, I could see how it nurtured a psychological energy that would create anger and wanted to apply force to challenging life circumstances to achieve a level of control. As I explored this amazing link, I could see that what was happening was that stress stimulated the Wound energy. The existing Fear-Self (often a Fear-Self needing to know itself as highly competent in the world), would feel threatened by circumstances that it could not control. The tools it sought to deal with this fear was anger and force.
Seeing all of this as a single piece, a unitary process, showed me, in the most vivid way, how the Wound fosters the prevailing Fear-Self and that when the Fear-Self encountered circumstances that threatened its standing in the world, it would empower and enlarge its presence with anger and hostility. The Wound and Fear-Self were truly One.
You will discover the identical relationship in your own personality, but first you must be grounded in a perception of the subtle inner vibration – the living static of the Wound in your immediate experience. That is certainly Step One. Then observe how this inner feeling changes when you encounter even very small stressors in your life. See what happens. Explore the inter-play of the Wound and Fear-Selves in your own life.
So how might we address the subtle emanations of the Wound once we are armed with this remarkable knowledge? Here is the Way.
Violence, depression, frustration, and hopelessness are all experiences of a failed Fear-Self and our contraction into the scary world of the Wound. But they are not sound or healing contractions. They are merely convenient operations of a negative Fear-Self struggling with circumstances that he can no longer control and which he fears.
We move toward integration and love through integration and love. Thus, what I suggest is to simply feel this subtle energy and direct respect, honor, and love to it. What we have called the Wound is nothing less than the child of the cosmos separated from the ever-nurturing universe. When you love and respect it, you are reversing the process of invalidation that created it in the first place. This is so key. We bring healing to the Wound by first getting a feel for its very existence before it has totally disabled our life, and then to channel love, respect, and honor to it. In this way we reverse the invalidation process, embrace our essential selves and discover a new fount of energy in our own lives.
Know that habit will try to upset this process. The static energy of the Wound will want to travel paths that it knows well. It will want to foster panic, confusion, anger, and retreat. Just see how this whole process unfolds and over time you will get a detailed sense of the process. Learning this healing technique is a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time. It might feel a little awkward, but in a short period of time, you will get the hang of it.
Please know that our purpose is never to do way with the Wound. Were we to try that or believe we could do that, we would be doing ourselves the greatest possible harm. If we were to try to kill the Wound, we would be sustaining the process of massive self-negation and invalidation that gave it birth in the first place. We would simply be operating from the position of another Fear-Self struggling to impose control in a psychological world based on separation and belief in the false (I’ve introduced some new concepts here, but please don’t too caught up with them). Just know that our purpose is to love, respect, and honor … and Notice. That is all. Anything more than this results in the birth of a new Fear-Self, often the “Spiritual” Fear-Self and we really need to avoid this misery enhancing pathway.
The Wound is a permanent aspect of our psychological selves. Thus our understanding guides us to love what is common to each of us and to learn the path of authentic compassion with this understanding. We start with ourselves and with that understanding, we allow that realization to inform our moment-to-moment lives.
The more you do this exercise when you’re not feeling stressed the more powerful the life-enhancing qualities of the Wound will be in your life. The more you notice this inner static and fully embrace it as the one place that needs your attention and love, the more you will be released from its power to make your life a misery and a struggle.
This is authentic healing.