I have seen how thoughts and feelings just come and go and that no one “makes” them. But no matter how many times I read about the experience of others who described how they had become free of what was their personal association with thought and feelings, that linkage still felt, on some level, true for me.
As I was pondering all of this, it struck me like a bolt of lightening, that everything – every thought, feeling, sensation, movement happened all on its own and this mythical “I” had nothing whatsoever to do with it. But this was mere preparation.
I could SEE this and the SEEING of this was completely free and untempered by any understanding or discipline.
I was free of the self and I am free of the self. It is that “free to see” quality, where the beauty lies.
All of the effort – all of the trying to “be” something has ended. And this transformation was not a consequence of choice. It was a happening – a dropping away.
Seeing is everything – it is joy – it is utterly unfettered. That last phrase is vitally important to see and realize, if you ever want to be free from the spirit killing weight of the conditioned self.
I started this journey as a teenager out of the fear of my own death.
Last night that fear vanished in the joyous experience of SEEING.
Brief Discussion (but important):
I’ve explored what keeps the illusion of the personal self linked to thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
The self is the inadequacy/insufficiency/worthlessness belief played out in one of its possible forms; as pain, in which case, it is always needing something to feel real, substantial, and wanted; and two, in fleeting joy when a desire is briefly achieved. For those of you who have read my book, Liberation from the Lie, you will clearly see the connection and explanation here.
The personal self or the false-self is continually seeking to get something out of each important thought, feeling, and sensation. It is this very ‘efforting’ that keeps the illusory self alive. Thus, when I awakened from the core illusion, the need to get something out of any passing thought and feeling ceased!
Thus before awakening, thoughts and feelings came and went, but I would latch onto selected thoughts and feelings to give substance to my core self-condemning thought (the Wound) or my various self-elevating identities, my fear-selves.
After awakening, the very same (or similar) thoughts and feelings come and go, but the psychological need to latch onto particular thoughts and feelings ended. In fact, there is great joy in thoughts and feelings, but I know that they are not mine.
More on how awakening is realized.