A NOTE TO READERS:
No one reading this post should think for a nanosecond that I support Rand Paul or anyone else affiliated with the Tea Party or the Republican Party for president or even dog catcher (ok, maybe dog catcher). The point of this post is entirely ironic. America elected a Senator with two years of experience in that office (Obama) who campaigned as if he were a progressive. However, once he attained office, he has pursued a course that would have made George Bush proud.
In this post, I’m doing the opposite. I chose Rand Paul because he will have served two years in the Senate (like Obama) and has aspirations to be president. He has a youthful and is out of the Beltway, qualities that he also has in common with Obama. He’s also the kind of right-wing nut case that you’d least expect to carry forward a progressive policy agenda, just as Obama appeared to be just the person who really could enact change we could believe in.
But what if he was really the Bizarro Obama? The bizarro Obama (Rand) might look a little like this.
In a stunning reversal, Rand Paul, after serving only two years as a US Senator from Kentucky, became the 45th President of the United States. He has become the capstone of the continuing sweep of Republicans into national office that began in 2010, as Americans became increasingly disenchanted with the inability of the Obama Administration to effect the kind of change his millions of supporters had expected of him.
Running on a platform called “Real Change for Real Americans”, President Paul shocked the country with his first order of business, the absolute end of all combat operations in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan and the immediate return of all but essential personnel from that theater of war. Buoyed by the new Republican Majority in the Senate and committed to sweeping deficit reductions, Rand’s order was supported by majorities in both Houses of Congress. Even skeptical Democrats seemed inspired by the young President’s bold initiative.
President Rand also ordered an immediate strategic review of all American military bases abroad with a keen eye in reducing the massively bloated Defense budget saying, “That if we fail to take on the deeply embedded special interests that have been choking off our national capacity to invoke Real Change, we will, ultimately, fail as a nation.” As part of this order, President Paul, with the support of his Cabinet have targeted approximately 115 bases for closure by the end of 2013, noting that “We must streamline our military to meet the challenges of an increasingly turbulent world.”
In a sharp reversal with his Democratic predecessor, President Paul announced the creation of a massive jobs program called, A Return to Progress. Using a combination of innovative tax incentives and discretionary spending, A Return to Progress forges a new partnership with the country’s private sector. The new program will provide private and public jobs to approximately 7 million currently unemployed Americans. The Congressional Budget Office has estimated that the jobs program would over the next 5-7 years, “essentially pay for itself” by providing significantly larger tax revenues from the newly created jobs. The Program envisions an America that would be energy independent by creating enterprises that would nurture the growth of renewable energy sources and cutting edge green technology. Paul said that the United States would become the “go to” place for innovation in both sustainable energy production. Outside experts who have seen the plan anticipate that its implementation could reduce greenhouse gases by as much as 75% by 2025.
Continuing the President’s fiscal initiative for a Fair Tax Plan for his Great Nation project, President Paul has put into a place an entirely re-fitted and simplified tax plan that would dramatically shift America’s tax burden away from the middle class. He said, “We must make it possible for this country to get back onto its feet again and to do this we must realize that our strength lies in a vibrant middle class and we cannot achieve this objective unless we soberly examine the many weaknesses and disparities in our current approach to tax burden allotments. As a matter of fundamental fairness, taxes must be paid by those who can most easily afford them.” In keeping with his promise of sweeping tax cuts for nearly all Americans, President Paul announced the closing of hundreds of loopholes previously exploited by America’s richest 2% including the immediate ending of the hedge fund maximum tax rate of 15%. In addition, America’s wealthiest will be asked to contribute their “fare share” to make it possible for America to compete with the rising economic powers of China, India, and Brazil. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet each hailed the program with the words “It’s about time”.
Finally, as part of his Healthy America Program, President Paul successfully dismantled the hopelessly convoluted and widely condemmed “Obamacare” and instituted a National Single Payer Healthcare Program called Healthy America. This program is designed to compete with private insurers in an open marketplace. It will offer far less expensive plans focusing on Prevention, as well as Major Medical programs at ess cost to all Americas irrespective of their work status. America’s Federation of Private Health Insurance has called “foul play – we cannot conceivably compete with a national single-payer system. The president has “gamed” the system against us.” In response, the President coolly reminded them that he, like them, is a believer in a free and open market and that if they are unable to compete successfully with the public program, then the market has, indeed, spoken. Americans cheered the new health initiatives as a “way out” of the hopelessly convoluted and vulnerable plan put into place by the Democratic Administration of ex-President Obama.
In another issue that has troubled millions of Americans, President Paul has announced the immediate end of the so-called War on Drugs. Saying, “we have suffered enough”, President Paul submitted to Congress a plan for “peace in our country” by substituting a combination of jobs training and community-based treatment coupled with decriminalization of many previously illegal drugs. In addition, President Paul has urged Congress to make the recreational use of marijuana legal. With the hope of making this “admittedly radical” idea palatable to a dubious America, President Paul as called on the creation of an oversight office that would recognize reasonable parity with such products as beer and spirits as simply a part of how this country relaxes. Paul said, “we need to recognize that we cannot have peace in our beleaguered inner city communities and with our younger Americans until we come to realize that this War on Drugs has brought us way too much war and has torn apart far too many of our most vulnerable communities.” Senate Majority Leader Hatch promised to work with the President on the Peace initiative with the understanding that we cannot, as a nation, continue a war that we cannot conceivably win without sacrificing a whole generation of younger Americans. New York’s Al Sharpton chuckled breathlessly, “I don’t know about you, but this white guy from Kentucky is just ‘blowin’ me away.”
“This is just the beginning”, the President said. “We foresee a nation dedicated to real deficit reduction, realistic military spending, and a genuine national capacity to do what Americans do best, lead the world in innovation. For too long we squandered our energy in a financial sector that strangled our ability to compete in a starkly different 21st century world. In addition, we spent our national treasure on a military industrial complex based on the hopelessly outdated vision of a 1950s world. I promised Real Change for Real Americans and this is what we are accomplishing.”
President Paul is anticipated to introduce dramatic new legislation in many other essential areas, such as:
- Americans for America – a program designed to bring justice and fairness to all American communities by addressing the immense income disparities that have brought about the bane of two Americas. Rand has commited the country’s jobs and revenue programs to bring about a country with a vigorous middle class, as the Founders intended. One where income inequalities are productively addressed to restore harmony where there was discord and equal opportunity, where there was scarcely opportunity at all. Paul has noted, “It’s not class warfare when it just makes sense for all Americans.”
- Two giant energy initiatives called: New England Runs on Wind and Bright Ideas for a Solar West highlight the President’s drive for real energy independence. Under the President’s Energy Independence Now! program, he said, “We can wait no longer. Our nation will be reduced to energy enslavement unless we can produce clean and renewable energy within our own borders for the benefit of all Americans.” Energy Independence Now! plans to reduce oil and gas imports by up to 50% by 2020.
- Every Child Matters – a new educational program that will substantially improve educational opportunity for those kids who need it most. “Until we recognize the inherently unfair playing field caused by our outdated reliance on property taxes to fund public education, far too many of our best and brightest children will be left in the rubbish heap of poverty and inequity.” This plan will restore a balance in educational resources between rural, suburban, and urban school districts. In addition, the plan intends to use cutting edge research in academic achievement to inspire a new generation of teachers to bring about a real revolution in our nation’s schools.
In other words, I fantasize about an authentic bizarro Obama.