Trusting Yourself: The Final Hurdle


For nearly all of us, the final hurdle between conditioned being and that which is Awake is the problem of trust.

Why is this so?

The psychological being, the person we take ourselves to be, depends on mind.

  • Mind is the agent which sets priorities;
  • Mind is the evaluator;
  • Mind is the decider;
  • Mind is the carrier of culture;
  • Mind reflects our genetic heritage;
  • Mind tells us who we are, who we are not, and who you are; and
  • Mind is the holder of the ‘inadequacy belief’.

Mind depends on itself for being. It tells us, time and again, that we are our mind.

In other words, we place our inherent trust in our minds – even if we deny it.

This is even more true for people who are intellectual. The mind of the well educated has even greater importance because it has demonstrated how brilliant it is. It has the capacity to organize vast volumes of facts and it has the ability to perform complex forms of analysis on these many observations. Thus its power and voice are all but deafening.

We learn, a million times over, to trust this mind.

And this is precisely why awakening is so rare for nearly all of us. And this is why I say that Trust is the final hurdle.

We must see that even the great mind is seen and it is seen in every moment, if we are open to that seeing. The challenge of awakening inevitably boils down to this pivotal question: “Do I trust my mind or can I trust open awareness?” It’s very similar to Hamlet’s immortal question, “To be or not to be? That is the question.”

The issue is not can I negate the mind?

Is there a way we can bridge this terrifying gap? Can we find the place where mind seems to end and open awareness begins?

How do we learn? How do we see what is true? The only compelling answer to that question is this: we observe. Awareness is the source of our knowledge. And for forms of knowing that elude us (say, for example the computer programming that has made the internet possible), we learn from those who have observed truth on that level of experience (which we call computer science). Thus a vast web of knowing evolves and grows.

We learn through awareness. If we could not trust this awareness, what could we ever know? This, to me, is the bridge that connects the perceived world with living, open awareness. Our aliveness is a direct and immediate outcome of awareness with mind.

Our problems and our suffering begin when our identity migrates from open awareness to a mere thought of the mind. We have never been a thought and if you observe very carefully, you will see that every manifestation of identity is all wrapped up in thought.

If nothing else, the best thought can do is to inform us who we are not. That’s the best it can do.

Can you trust the clear shining of your open awareness? That is the decisive question. Can we trust what we see in this very moment without needlessly inserting the quest for a personal identity in that seeing? Because as soon as we renew our quest for a personal identity, in that very moment we have severed trust with our primal aware being and overlaid it with our conditioned, thought-based false self.

This is why I say that trust is the final hurdle. Trusting this open awareness is very scary. It’s a kind of courageous falling backwards into space. There is no place to stand here. We are just This.

But here is where and how we can regain our power in this moment – here is where we discover the balance that can never be taken away –

We don’t abandon the mind. We just stop seeking our identity within it. And here is the part that may “blow your mind”. When we awaken into the openness uncontaminated with personal identity, we observe something that is all but miraculous. We see that what we took for “our” mind, is really just another object that seems to float unseen everywhere in the universe. The knowing that we took to be personal and part of the self, is, really, another energy thing that happens here, there, and everywhere. It belongs to know one, but is available in the moment of its seeing. The cosmic narrative that binds all things into one is the mortar of the universe and it is yours’ right now, if you can only trust this open awareness that is before anything and everything else.

As long as we fight the mind, we will be at war against ourselves and our world. What we have taken to be ‘our’ mind is the world and the universe. It is the birds and the rivers and the stories. It is all of that and so much more. It lives to be seen.

Can you trust that? Can you trust your true self, that which does not come and go?

If you take away anything from this post let it be this:

The mind naturally loves itself. When identity is attached to mind, the mind is expressed as ego. It is a normal outcome of the personal inadequacy belief. But when mind is FREE to be mind AS mind, then it can love itself AS itself. So thoughts can love themselves AS themselves – that which is heard can love itself AS itself – that which is seen can love itself AS itself – that which is felt can love itself AS itself.

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  1. #1 by Bob on November 22, 2010 - 11:44 am

    Trusting the awareness. How difficult this is for me. Awareness appears to be doing nothing.
    The mind is moving, it’s powerful, it never stops. It controls my whole being. I enter into my thoughts and scenarios and I’m gone! I’m on this out of control train. After i crash, I remember that my mind is not who i am. But I’ve been suffering for days before this realization
    reappears. I’m then beat up and exausted. I can’t help wish awareness moved as quickly as the mind .Right now for the most part my mind is running the show.
    Your suggestion to trust this awareness is the one thing I haven’t done.And i’m paying the price.

    • #2 by Eric on November 22, 2010 - 11:47 am

      Yet awareness is so much “faster” than the mind. It is that which sees the mind – thus even when we are fully identified with the stuff of the mind, it sees that as well. It is therefore, not possible to apart from awareness. It is the foundation of everything else.

  2. #3 by Bob on November 22, 2010 - 12:16 pm

    Yes awareness watches the thoughts. It’s so powerful however to want to prove to myself,
    i’m special. I’ve been trying to accomplish this my whole life.I’m exausted. The fearself appears so solid and cries out for attention. To just watch it and not enter it, there lies the trust you’re talking about.

  3. #4 by Eric on November 22, 2010 - 1:44 pm

    What is blocking you is the need to reify this self that underlies thought. There is the thought ME that needs and wants to be IT. You are THIS before any of these thoughts.

    The key sticky thought always involves Need. There is something that needs. But what needs in THIS? What is the source of this need? Who needs this need?

  4. #5 by Bob on November 22, 2010 - 1:55 pm

    wow what a great clue…. I’m am the me before any of my thoughts and there is no me.
    So clear. thank you.

    • #6 by Eric on November 22, 2010 - 2:04 pm

      I have added a new ending to today’s post. You might find this helpful as well.
      Thank you!

  5. #7 by Bob on November 22, 2010 - 2:17 pm

    I’ve been looking at the mind as the enemy.You said when mind can be free to love itself as mind, wow that for me is a big one. Loving your mind without judgement . Just watching and letting it do what it does.

    thanks again.

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